Good morning Readers,
As usual, I’m grappling with some complex thoughts (which are probably only complex because I make them so). Right now I’m not sure that I have the capacity within me to attach myself to another being. For a while, I’ve been able to escape thinking about this question because of how focused I have been on repairing myself, but now that my mind isn’t working overtime to put itself together, the idea of dating has popped up this past week.
It isn’t that I’m scared to be left in pieces again…scared just doesn’t feel like the right word to describe what I’m feeling. Maybe, protective? That sounds better. I’m more protective of myself, my emotions, my time, and my energy because I have re-grown myself into something I really really love. I don’t want it ruined. That’s not to say I’m unwilling to change. Transformation and growth remain key components to the type of life I am creating. I just don’t want to have to start this process all over again. Because, damn. It is not an easy process, mending your heartbreak. It takes work. Trust me. I am close personal friends with heartbreak and everything that comes with her (PSA she is not a nice lady but she’s like a paradox. If you don’t just accept her and feel the heartbreak it will be bad but if you do sit still and let yourself feel the pain and work through it, she leaves faster. Weird). I am just very stubborn and selfish with my energy right now. I do not want it wasted, depleted, and left exhausted. I have too many ideas flowing in my mind for that. I have too many goals I want to reach, things I want to learn, places I have to see, people I want to help (and loans I have to worry about). Can I fit a relationship in this list? Do I want to? I think I’ll have to sit with these questions for a little bit longer before I know.
While I sit with those thoughts you can probably catch me listening to my new music find of the week: Kaputt by Destroyer. I’ve been playing it on repeat (especially when I write) and it fills my mind with colors and crazy electric sensations. I’ve always been drawn to that kind of dreamy, atmospheric alternative sound but, man, this song literally makes me see a movie in my head and it’s incredibly inspiring. Noted runner-up: Dope Lemon. He’s the Angus of ‘Angus and Julia Stone’ and I highly recommend checking out his solo venture if you’re into 70’s psychedelic-sounding grooves.
As for news and politics: Trump and GOPers are still major assholes. 45’s proposed budget includes completely gutting Arts and Cultural Agencies, cutting funding for anything that has to do with fighting or researching climate change and cutting funding for any programs that help people experiencing poverty. I recommend checking out the Wahington Post’s breakdown of his proposed budget because it is extremely enlightening. It’s always cool to know that your government is run by evil villains who have always dreamt of cutting funding and healthcare to the most vulnerable. FUN.
My goal for this week is to get back into my writing groove. Since I got this new job I have been putting a lot of my energy into that, but now that I’m starting to settle in I can create a better schedule for writing. I’m really excited to get back into it. Plus, hopefully, this blog will be looking a little different soon. I’m working with a friend (who does gorgeous design work) to create a kick-ass logo and color concept that way my personality can shine through a little bit more. With that said, have a wonderful Monday morning. If you’re having some trouble with inspiration today or find yourself lacking spark, smudge some lipstick on your lips. A little pop of color always helps create magic.